“The deeds of faithless men I hate, they will not cling to me.” – Psalm 101:3b NIV
Why did I chose this as my theme verse for my blog? When I first came across this verse it was not a reality for me. I read it and I was envious of King David who wrote this verse. I felt my version of this verse would read: The deeds of faithless men I hate, they cling to me! I cannot break free! They are suffocating me! I was desperately trying to tread water and stay afloat. All the while, the deeds of faithless men I hate were overwhelming burdens anchored to my body continuously pulling me under the water as I gasped for air.
That is exactly how I felt. My rape clung to me and no matter how hard I tried to be free of it, the overwhelming burden and crushing reality of it followed me. I wanted to be free of it. I did not want to be defined by my rape. I did not want my rapist to have so much control over my life. Thus, this verse became a goal for me. I was determined not to let being raped cling to me in a way that I could not move on and find hope and healing. I would not be defined by rape. This became my prayer: God please free me! Make this a reality in my life! Let me confidently proclaim: “The deeds of faithless men I hate, they will not cling to me (Psalm 101:3b NIV)!”
This is my present reality, except I would omit “hate.” For me my mantra would now be: The deeds of faithless men, they will not cling to me. There was a time when I hated all men, my rapist most of all. Not only did I hate him, I wanted him to suffer as I was suffering. Well, honestly, I wanted him to suffer more than me. I wanted his deeds to cling to him and weigh him down. However, through the miracle of forgiveness, God changed my heart toward him. I do not harbor any anger, fear, or bitterness toward my rapist. Nor do I have negative thoughts about myself because of the rape. I am not hopeless! I am overwhelmed by God’s relentless love for me! I am getting a little ahead of myself. I will explain this more in depth in my blog.