Aftershocks – Facing the 3rd Anniversary of My Rape

It has been slightly over three years since that devastating day. This year, as this not so pleasant anniversary passed, I found myself plagued with memories. Memories would pop into my mind at different points during the day. Words he said to me. Even the rape itself, replayed in my mind. I would see a man who resembled my rapist and immediately feel uncomfortable. Late at night when the thoughts plagued me most and prevented me from sleeping, I would often cry. I would cry for the hurt, from the pain I still feel emotionally, from confusion, from the sheer reality of what happened. I would cry because of how I responded to what happened and because I tried to “fix” the situation. I would cry over that which was gone, that which was lost, stolen from me. That beautiful wedding night of innocence and expectation was gone. Shattered.

However, today I read a passage in Luke that is full of hope. In Luke 13:10-17 Luke tells us of a woman, crippled by an evil spirit. Afflicted by Satan. Bound by her affliction. Jesus in His great mercy and compassion sees this woman. He sees her in her brokenness, her pain, her desperation and He says: “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity (Luke 13:12 NIV).” Then He touches her. What a tender moment. The God of the universe saw her pain and in His compassion, spoke to her, touched her, and set her free. There is nothing like a comforting touch amid pain. I can only imagine what comfort a touch from Jesus must have been amid this woman’s suffering.

Just as this woman was bound by an evil spirit, I often feel haunted by my horrible memories, bound to the past. Yet, Jesus in His great love and compassion reaches out, touches me and says: Woman you are set free from that which binds you! Oh, how I want to be free! I want to be loosed of that which binds me and feel Christ’s healing touch!

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